Taking small steps...

It has been awhile since I last posted. I'm hoping to change that but, life has a way of keeping you way tooo busy,don't you agree.? So instead of letting it control me...I'm saying- no, this is the one life God has given me and I want to live it with purpose and determined steps. What does that look like. Well today, I'm starting a new exercise program. I'm excited and nervous all at once. I've always been one to work out but, lately that's taken a back seat and i've been left feeling over-tired, lethargic, and unhealthy. Ummm hello tree...you can do something about this. So, first step- join a gym. Second, get some accountability. Third, do the work...which is yet to be seen. I do this in alot of areas. I let something slip once...then before i know it I've allowed myself to become complacent and then I'm feeling out of sorts and unhealthy. Spiritually this sucks. I know that the only place I find true peace and joy is when I've taken time to be with Christ. To sit at his feet and allow Him to minister to my heart and let HIS words of truth be the foundation of my thoughts and actions. But, often I do the fast food version of this. I read a 2 minute devotion and  throw up a quick prayer and then go on trying to live this life the best I can. The results are- obvious. There is no power in my life. No true inspiration and direction. I'm hoping for a quick fix from God but, He's asking for all of me and is that something I'm willing to give? 

I've said the prayer more than once- I give you my life, my heart, please forgive me of my sins...please come into my life and change me. For me, those words are like saying the pledge of allegiance...they've been said so many times I don't even realize what they mean.  So today, I'm going to take a deep breath...and meditate on those words , let them sink into the deep parts of my soul and fill in the cracked and broken places i'm daily discovering...

This is hopeful...

This will take time...

This is worth it!

In between

 Writing for me usually happens when i'm inspired by something however, i'm wondering " what about the days that aren't exactly inspiring" yet, they happen- most likely more often than the inspiring ones do- days like today where all I can do is keep going- do the next thing and not even try to think about all that's ahead or what I possibly forgot while running a zillion miles an hour delivering  babies. Apparently there are women whose bodies go from 3 cm to complete(10 cm for those who haven't had babies)  in less than an hour( umm yeah that happened to me twice today) and THAT IS NOT  the norm . But, then what is- I have been on a roll of mishaps lately- in the past two weeks I've officially left my lights on twice at work ( had to ask a strage man on a dark street for a jump and the next time I talked a bunch of kids into helping  me out which they agreed to when I offered them 20 dollars) I then, lost my keys for a day, forgot labels on my lab specimens at work, and today my car wouldn't start so I was late for work. ( i did get to drive paul's range rover though :~) so i ask, Lord- today- in this place -where do I find you ? I'm thinking of all my friends with kids who go through one event like this after another - my sad stories are nothin-and then I'm thinking of people going through true tragedies like the family that lost their little 18 week old baby last week and had to give birth to a baby with no heartbeat....the extreme's of life can be so glaringly opposite and well...often I would rather watch t.v. (and let my mind just wander into oblivion) but, Lord I'm here wanting more for me...for my friends...this is my prayer...that in the "in between" you meet us...find us...show us the way. And you whisper- I was there...and I remember-  I actually did see a few contrails on my way to work this morning...and I smiled thinking HE's going before my day...my ordinary...crazy day.  And, as I sit here tonight -I can tell you , my prayers were answered- maybe it's taken me some unwinding to realize but, honestly-  i'm o.k...i made it....i learned a ton....and my faith is growing ...and for that I am thankful. In the midst of  the exhaustion his promises ring in my head: He will never leave or forsake me...He will see me through as I trust in Him...these are truths I can stand on no matter what my circumstances may be. And as my dog cassidy stands here crying for attention I will end this...and say- He's there, He's with You...He will bring you through- that's all I know. He is faithful when we are faithless...

Looking up!

So, I've always thought - someday I"ll write a book about the crazy adventures God has taken me on throughout my life however, in between being a nurse and just living- I don't know that it will happen any time soon. Thus, blogging is the answer... I guess. I call it contrails because, for those of you who know me well- contrails are my "thing"..my little "sign" when i look to the sky that there is hope...that God is near...that everything is truly in His CONTROL. How this came to be is a bit blurry but, I know a good friend said she would pray for her best friend when she saw them and I've always had this fetish with fighter planes( not the pilots...the planes- i promise:) and after living in portland for 6 years- seeing blue sky became a HUGE celebration...and so bonus if that blue sky held amazing contrails...it just gave me HOPE...and ever since- it's been that way. I can't tell you how many days I've looked up and seen one lone contrail in the distance and I've thought- o.k. Lord I know your going to meet me in this place...going to see me thru. Maybe it's the LOOKING UP that is the key with my love for these formations and not at my present circumstances. I'm guessing we all have some form of contrails in our life- a prayer answered, your favorite song playing at just the right moment, a friend calling with words you needed to hear....all helpful in keeping our hearts full of hope- that their truly is something much bigger than us and our small world. I pray this blog can be that at times....that these words are a source of encouragement to you. I've met the most amazing people throughout my life and have seen God in so many incredible ways- I think I will burst if I don't share sooo...may my words be a testimony that brings Glory to the One who gave me this life to live.  And please, comment freely, share your stories, let's press each other on. This journey was meant to be walked with friends...